you perverts ruin it for the rest of us

This morning I went for a long run on the beach right around low tide.  It was warm and sunny, and lots of people had already settled in their spots for the day. As I headed north, I suddenly realized that I had not run this particular route since sometime late last fall, when I became embroiled in my own personal Baywatch adventure.   

That day was overcast, but the air was warm and I could tell it would clear later in the day. If I'm planning my beach run I normally wait until low tide, but on this particular day I was a little late and the tide was already on its way back in.  Nonetheless, I ran north to my turnaround spot and then headed south.  There weren't many people around, which was nice since I didn't have to dodge kids running to the water like I do on crowded days.  I ran along a stretch bounded by the ocean on one side (duh) and big rocks at the base of a bluff and the train tracks on the other.

As is often true on a long run by myself, I get so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I don't pay much attention to what's going on around me.  So when I passed a guy sitting sort of nestled between the big rocks it took me about 5-10 seconds to say to myself, "There's something weird about that ....EWWWWWWW! Gross!" That's when it occurred to me that he was, to put it delicately, pleasuring himself for god and all the world to see.  My first thought was to sprint in case he tried to come after me, but then I realized there's no way he could catch me because: 1) in those movies involving athletes before the Big Game (or Rocky Balboa before his big fight), the coach warns the athlete to stay away from women the night before because it will weaken them and slow them down; and 2) he would look stupid running naked in pursuit of me, so he would have to grab his shorts and put them on first, and that would take some time.  Meanwhile, I would have made it to safety. My next concern became the two bikini-clad teenaged girls walking toward me and eventually, toward him.  Like a good sistah, or perhaps more like their mother, I warned them he was there and they turned around. 

It took me about 5 minutes to reach the nearest lifeguard post.  I ran up to the lifeguard, looked at him perched waaaaaay up in his chair and said, "Hey, there's a guy wankin' off on the rocks up there.  You might want to check it out.  Who knows whether he's safe or just a pervert."  He looked a little embarrassed and said, "Thanks.  Okay."  I felt confident that our upstanding lifeguards would take care of the matter, so on I ran. 

I started to run past another lifeguard post when suddenly a guard jumped down onto the sand and began running toward the water.  I thought perhaps someone was drowning, but when I looked out to the ocean I saw no flailing arms.  Turned out he ran up to me.

"Hey, you need to go back to headquarters to fill out a police report," he informed me.

"Right NOW?" I asked, breathing heavily and really annoyed at all these interruptions in my run.  Then I immediately realized how stupid that sounded. "Okay.  I'll go."

I ran back the main lifeguard station, which looked a lot like the one on Baywatch.  I was sweating profusely, as I am wont to do, and I'll venture to say that I stunk.  "I'm the one who saw the guy wankin' off," I told the David Hasselhoff character.

"Okay. I'll need to get some information from you."  He took down my name, phone number, etc., then asked what the guy was wearing.

"Ray Bans.  And a smile."  I replied.  "Actually, I'm not sure they were Ray Ban brand, but they looked like 'em." 

"Did he have anything with him?" DH asked.

"Um, like what?" I asked back.

"Was he wearing a backpack or anything?"

"No.  He was just wearing the Ray Bans and the smile."

DH told me that they had had several reports lately of one or more such guys that go out to the rocks on cloudy days when the tide comes in. Then he asked if I would go with another lifeguard to the scene of the crime to see if I could identify the perp.  At that point, my peaceful run was pretty much lost and I was crabby that the jerk (the jerking one, not the lifeguard) had harshed on my mellow, but I agreed.  Plus, when I was in high school and even college, I and my girlfriends would have killed to ride in the lifeguard jeep with a young lifeguard.  At my age it would only mean a fun story for my kids, but still. 

My lifeguard driver was perhaps 20, and sweet enough lad obviously popular with the high school girls.  We (well, he) drove fast over the sand and through the water. Not surprisingly, no nekkid guy was found on the scene. Before we headed back to the station, my lifeguard radioed in that "[pshhhhhht] [crackle]We're UTL so we're 10-19[pshhhhhht] [crackle]"

"UTL" means "unable to locate," a handy term to know because Jade is forever asking, "Where's my [fill in the blank]?" I can now reply that I'm UTL and that it's not my responsibility TL her stuff, especially when she's frequently UTL her favorite things which, if she really cared about them she would keep where she can L them.

"10-19" means you're headed back to the station or main base.  That's also a handy term when you find yourself stuck at a party and you want to leave but it would be rude to tell your mate this in front of the host and/or guests. Unless you party with cops or lifeguards.

So what is my point here? Just that on my run today, I remembered that the reason I hadn't been on this particular route in so long was because Uncle Pervy went and ruined it for me last time.  And that made me really pissed at all the perverts who lurk where I want to play. I mean really, guys, don't you have a house where you can do that stuff?  Once you put yourself out there in the public arena, even if you are  not actually dangerous to others, you have altered my opportunities for the quiet enjoyment of peaceful activity. And that is really selfish.

Comments

[susan]

seriously, what's up with these nasties doing this out in public when they can do it all they want at home or at least do it where there is no one, like out in the woods? when i was a teenager, this incident happened to me on 3 freaking different occasions and 2 times in college. 3 times were men asking for directions or asking a random question while i was walking home from my jr. high. and the two times in college, the guy just jacked off in plain site in his car and the other guy just walked with his fly down and his thing-y sticking out. i should have just kicked him in his nuts as there was probably no danger of him chasing after me since it was broad day light and people were around just around the corner. people are just f****ing sick.

[dgm]

oh, yes, the old guy-asking-young-girl-for-directions trick. you're not alone in that one! there's also the library pervert, the dorm guy, etc. part of the thrill obviously must be the public exhibitionism. i was discussing this with another women who had a similar experience down at the beach. she is german, and very well-traveled, and she said "here in america we think it's sick, but in europe and especially japan, these guys are everywhere and no one makes a big deal about it."

i knew globalization had a dark side.

[Barry]

The pervert didn't wreck your run. You wrecked your run. No-one forced you to watch him. No-one forced you to report him. You have actually wrecked his morning not vice versa. He wasn't hurting anybody. Next time just keep running and everybody will be happy. I wish this country would grow up. Bodies are natural, penises are natural, masturbation is natural. So many societal constraints on natural tendancies, is very unhealthy for the psychy. Why do perverts gain such a strong reaction when the effect of their behaviour is so negligable compared to the negative effect that society accepted behaviours can have. There are more dangerous things, and more important things to worry about than exposed penises.