in which it is determined that i need to have my head examined (twice)

'Twas the night before Easter
And all through the house
A feline creature was purring;
I slept next to my spouse.
The children were nestled, all warm and asleep
With visions of Easter eggs, some chocolate, a Peep.
When at once I awoke and my teeth they did chatter
This wasn't normal--what was the matter?

***

So there I was, minding my own business asleep Saturday night when I was awakened with a feeling of lightheadedness and overall strangeness or something. I asked Bell if I had a fever; he felt my forehead and said, "No."  I got up to go to the bathroom and when I came back to bed I felt funny again.  I was trying to describe this feeling of weirdness to Bell when suddenly I felt my biceps slowly tensing up, and then my legs following suit.

"Something's wrong," I said, because I didn't really know how else to convey that something was wrong.  I couldn't quite put my finger on it, at least not until my whole body started having uncontrollable spasms.  My limbs were trembling and flinging about here and there, my legs shook and flopped around on the bed.  My neck was jerky.  I had no fever, no nausea, no chills, no sweats. I just felt ... funny (but not "funny-ha-ha") and of course, terrified.

I thought that I was having a seizure (although I have no history of such things), so I asked Bell to call 911. I told him where my cell phone was, and he ran to get it and came back.  While he was gone, I quickly grabbed a pair of sweats and the first t-shirt I found to put on, knowing that my, er, minimalist sleeping attire might divert the proper focus of anyone attempting medical assistance. 

Fortunately, the fire department is only about a mile down the hill, so they arrived pretty quickly. I recognized most of them because I often run past the firehouse and I see several of these guys at the gym and the beach.  One of the firemen, Matt, asked me a bunch of questions about how I was feeling and how many kids I had ("Two.  That I know about."), while another one took my blood pressure and pulse.  Still another fireman, Todd, asked me how much I worked out and wondered whether I was perhaps dehydrated and/or my electrolytes were unbalanced. I was fully conscious the whole time, I just couldn't stop the spasms.  After quite a bit of questioning, they gave me a saltwater drip and some oxygen up the nose and waited for the ambulance to take me to the ER. Bell, of course, was a champ, although a very worried one.  He packed up some things for me, including this month's PTNBBC reading, "Anansi Boys."

[Needless to say, at this point things seemed grave and very scary, so it would be totally inappropriate for me to point out that Fireman Todd was HOT!  And it would be tacky to note that he butted in front of Fireman Matt to ride in the ambulance with me because he "was curious to see how this case was resolved." (Sure Todd. Sure.)]

Remember how Mom always told you to wear clean underwear in case you are ever in an accident?  That is very good advice.  She also might have added, "And don't wear big white Baby Hueys if you ever want to show your face in this town again," because, just as you want your underwears to be clean, you want them to be respectable (but not too sexy, because emergencies are serious business). Thankfully, neither the cleanliness nor the respectability of my underwear was at issue on Saturday night.

However.  In giving her undergarment speech, Mom also should have laid down guidelines re: the brassiere.  Something like "always wear a bra to bed in case you wind up with uncontrollable spasms and have to be taken away in an ambulance with a bunch of firemen hovering over you in your ultra-thin, light colored t-shirt, the first one you grabbed when you were looking to dress yourself in a hurry."  Of course, if you're a guy I'd suggest you take care to remove any and all ladies' lingerie before the paramedics arrive.  Don't think for a minute that those community do-gooders don't swap stories at the annual Christmas party and give out awards for the best ones.

So it would have been nice if I had remembered to wear a bra.  And shoes.  Instead, I wound up in the ER looking like a very tired bra-burning feminist hippie, and I've never even burned a bra in my life!  (Well okay, other than the ritualistic burning of the nursing bras out in the desert.) I gave my best blood & urine, allowed them to do a CT scan of my brain, and the results were ... normal.  The doc said my magnesium was a little low, and I suspect that if I hadn't been on an NaCl drip my sodium probably would have come back low, too, because the spasms subsided once the IV took effect.  But who knows.  In the end, he tried to tell me that the spasms must have been the result of my hyperventilating because of a bad dream and that if it happened again I should try breathing into a paper bag.  I told him I hadn't been hyperventilating, that my breathing and pulse were regular, as was my blood pressure, but he basically just dismissed me. What-ever, Bonehead.

I made it home around 5:30 a.m. and the kids were still sleeping, none the wiser. Poor Bell had been up all night worrying (and, I'm sure, looking up all kinds of wacky diseases on the Internets).  He had stayed behind to be with the kids. At least I got to be home while they enjoyed their Easter baskets.  I had tried to sleep in, but I was too excited to see them eat candy for breakfast and to test out Jade's new Easter whoopee cushion.

So what was the problem? Don't know yet. I suspect it might have something to do with an electrolyte imbalance because things got better with the IV drip but I started twitching again when I was off of it. Even though I drink about 2L of water a day, I sweat profusely during my workouts, so I might be losing more sodium (& potassium) than I need to sustain the balance. And, in situations like that, too much water can be bad because it dilutes the necessary electrolytes.  I've talked to other athletes and paramedics who say the twitching is consistent with all that, especially since I don't have any other notable symptoms. To be sure, though, I saw my regular doctor yesterday and she ordered complete bloodwork (which I just did this morning) and another head examination, this time an MRI.

Obviously, the best case scenario is that I just need to be a little saltier. 

Comments

[AKV]

Hmmm... all that twitching on Easter eve? The only creatures who really twitch well are rabbits, so I conclude the Easter bunny tried to take over your body. Don't be surprised if they find a cottontail in your MRI.

[dgm]

akv, a sound theory if ever there was one! i shall propose it to my neurologist at once. allow me to thank you in advance for saving my life.

[AKV]

You are welcome. I went through a similar experience thinking I was having some kind of stroke at work. My whole right side went numb. Had to do the CAT scan and the MRI. Turns out it was and is an ergonomic problem sitting in front of the computer all day. Be that as it may, I was scared and mostly terrified that I would stroke out in front of my colleagues (all men) and find myself in a pool of my own pee, thank you very much. It's so tough being a girl wanting dignity.

[CM]

Scary. Drink Gatorade instead of water for those workouts! I hope you're back to normal.

[dgm]

akv, if i had a dime for all the times i found you in a pool of your own pee ...

cm, thanks. one reason i never drink gatorade is that it has a lot of sugar, which i've heard can interfere with mineral absorption. i've been drinking pedialyte, though, and cytomax, and pretty much eating a saltlick. i've still got some twitching, mostly at night, but not as bad as on easter eve. it's weird. and, as you note, scary.