All last week local weatherpersons got their forecasting panties in a bunch about the huge unseasonal weather system that was scheduled to take Southern California by storm. I mean, it's alllllll they talked about, as if the end of the world loomed. First they predicted the heavy rains and thunderstorms would to hit Thursday, then that was changed to Friday. You know what? Here's what Friday looked like from where I sat:
I won't say there is nary a cloud in the sky, but I see no cumulonimbi foreshadowing the doom that was certain to befall us.
And it's a good thing because I had earlier in the week promised the kids that if this typhoon/monsoon did not hit by the time I picked them up from school Friday we could make our annual pilgrimage to the Costume Castle. (Smart Southern Californians avoid driving in the first rain of the season because the roads are slick with oil and all other drivers are idjits.) We make this trip not to buy, but to look. We get ideas for costumes and we also just try stuff on for the hell of it. I love costume stores like I love magic shops and old-fashioned toy stores. But, and here is a really big butt [pointing to rear], I hate the Costume Castle during the month of October. It's too crowded and because the parking lot is laid out poorly, all those cars coming in and out means that at any moment two or more parties will be involved in a fender bender, thus clogging up the parking lot even more.
In September, however, I am happy to be welcomed to the Costume Castle.
The Costume Castle had about five purple-vested employees working each aisle, mostly goth youth with some emo kids thrown in, all wanting to know whether they can help me. No, I told them politely (at first), they cannot help me browse. Browsing is for my own self-amusment. What good is browsing with an unknown goth person half my age? If they asked me once, they asked me a thousand times whether they could help me. Leave me alooooooone! I wanted to shout. I wish to browse!
And yet. Yet when it came time that I really did need help, Costume Castle was not there for me. Jade and Kai both had to pee like Russian racehorses. Well they didn't say as much, but I recognize the behavior of Russian racehorses, having had to pee like one myself plenty of times. Jade claimed to know where the Costume Castle bathroom was. "Was"--that is the operative word here. We three ventured back through aisles and more aisles, then darted in and out of back rooms of still more costume paraphernalia to where the bathroom once "was," only to encounter a goth employee who inquired (yes, you guessed it) "May I help you?'
"Yes, we're looking for the bathroom," I said.
"We don't have one," said he.
"You don't?" I asked, incredulous because I know Jade traveled the maze of aisles two years ago to use it. I specifically remember worrying about her taking so long as I waited at the front of the store with a toddling Kai, knowing only that some goth woman had led her away from me to the bathroom.
"No."
[Pointing to Jade] "But she's used it before, haven't you Honey?"
[Jade shook her head affirmatively.}
"Oh," he offered. "It's broken. It's been broken for ... um, a year. And no one's fixed it yet," he offered.
"Really? Hunh. So what do you do when you need to go? Where do all of these employees go?"
"Oh yea. Uh, we walk across the parking lot to the all day breakfast place. We use the bathroom there."
Riiiiiiiight.
As we walked away, I swear I could smell that liar's pants totally on fire.
Everyone knows Condi Rice is a badass (even though she lists that inane song "Celebration" as one of the Top Ten Musical Works of All Time), right? How 'bout me--am I a badass disguised as Condi Rice?
In fact, I find this picture disturbing and creepy like Patrick Swayze as Richard Nixon in the awesomely awesome Point Break--or Patrick Swayze without the mask--is disturbing and creepy. Like that Bloody Scream mask is disturbing and creepy.
Ah, disturbing and creepy--exactly the look Kai was going for. This year he headed straight to the aisle of gore* where all the other, older (ergo, cooler) boys were fighting over which costume was the scariest. I admit my dismay plus a longing for the innocent days of The Dash and Clark Kent morphing into Superman. Alas, you cannot stop a moving train. Or can you? I reminded Kai that he would not be able to wear the bleeding ghoul costume to his school's Halloween parade (they ban any costumes even remotely upsetting, falsely painting a picture of All Hallow's Eve as purely sweetness and light). This news, coupled with the fact that he hadn't had an afternoon snack, desperately needed a nap, and also had to pee, caused a breakdown right there in the aisle of gore.
Oh, the tragedy of it all. The other boys just walked right over him as he sat there and cried.
Jade tried to make it better by telling him that now he could be Calvin to her Hobbes. She's had it in her head for weeks now that the two of them should dress up as the mighty team, a not ridiculous idea since they both spend hours on end poring over voluminous editions of C&H strips. When Jade gets an idea, she hooooooooolds onto it and it becomes her agenda, and with single-minded focus she does everything within her power to make it so.
"See Kai? I can wear this with a tiger suit. You can wear a striped t-shirt and we'll spike your hair, and you can be Calvin. Okay?"
"NO! I want to be something scawy!"
Sigh.
Happily, by the end of our adventure it was decided: Kai will be an awesome Captain Jack Sparrow; Jade, the melodic and sweet Gabriella from High School Musical. Now let the putting together of the costumes commence!
___
Speaking of costumes, this is one of those typos that drives me nuts:
Copyeditor's kneaded.
________
* I don't know about you, but I certainly would not want to be stranded on the Isle of Gore. Ew.
Recent Comments